reimagine me

Unbiological Sisterhood

Posted by elle  ·  Undated
reimagine me: Unbiological Sisterhood

It's past midnight. I’m on my best friend's couch chatting about the meaning of life and what it feels like to know your biological family. He insists he feels closer to me than to his own biological family. Of course I disagree, as I cannot imagine how that's possible. 

The reason for this conversation is that in a few hours I’ll be meeting the woman I've been wondering about all my life - the one who was in my live for 9 months, delivered me into this world and then left me to figure it out all for myself.

And here my wonderful friend is sacrificing his beauty sleep to wonder with me. We decided on a simple strategy: to keep my meeting and conversation with her factual, not to have any expectations and that the rest will happen by itself.

Fast forward a few hours and I'm walking into her and my arranged meeting spot. She chose to sit at a table close to the door and gets up as I walk in. We hug - it's a somewhat unfamiliar yet very familiar hug. It has a feeling of not knowing her at all, yet knowing her completely. For the first time in 46 years all my cells started spinning in harmony, composing a brand new symphony. I experience peace.

Is THIS what flesh and blood feels like?!

I'm looking at her but cannot see the resemblance. We have the same height and build and interestingly a beauty spot in exactly the same place and that's that. She's blonde with beautiful blue eyes – the blue eyes I’ve always wished for.

We cover a lifetime of conversation in three hours – the whats, whys and hows. Our conversation doesn't miss a beat, it's like drinking from the same well and quenching a lifelong thirst. There’s no need to explain ourselves – it is as comfortable as meeting an old friend and starting right where we last left off. 

As we're saying our goodbyes, she reaches in her bag and gives me a gift - a white wooden heart with a tiny white bird inside - and says, “For my little birdie who flew away.” That caused a knee-jerk reaction in me and I thought "Really!? I flew away?! You opened the cage" and then reaslied her words could not ring more true - I did get away.

We kept in touch for a little while after but then she let me go again... for the sake of what others would think of her if they had they find out I existed. But with that came a gift of clarity. What is now clearer than ever before is that life is exactly as it's meant to be, God knows what's best and my 

Unbiological sisters are the best sisters I can wish for!

If you're looking to meet your biological parents, here are my thoughts... 

  1. If the need to find them is strong and doesnt go away, do it. Don’t let fear or “what if’s” stop you. It took me on and off over 23 years to find my biological parents - it was something I knew I needed to do
  2. Question your intent If your heart is filled with rejection, anger, or pain then I'd suggested wait or resolve your emotions first. There are three sides to every story - yours, theirs and the truth. I can help you resolve these emotions and get you to a more neutral, peaceful place before you make contact. You need to heal first so that whatever the outcome (they may decide they don’t want any contact with you), you will not get hurt nor feel rejected again.
  3. Have no expectations Their reaction when they hear from you could go either way - it could lead to a reunion or a rejection which leads me to...
  4. Anticipate a second rejection. This happened to me. Both bio parents were in shock and denial, and it took them some time to come to terms with the piece of their past they buried and chose to forget. What saddened me is that my bio father is wealthy and his main concern was that I'm after his money... 
  5. Be gentle and considerate in your approach The younger you are the younger they'll be. Because my biological mother is in her 70s, I decided for a third party to make initial contact. This was a less stressful option for both of us. If you do use a third party, choose someone who you can trust and who can accurately represent your motives and needs for making contact, and also someone who is considerate and respectful of your biological parent’s feelings and wishes. I can and would love to help you.
  6. Don't be judgmental You may or may not know the circumstances that led to their decision to give you up for adoption. My story is twisted and keeps on twisting the more I uncover

If this has helped you or you’re struggling with rejection, looking to find your biological parents or found them and need help, I'd love to connect with you. Please email me and let's make a time to chat. 

tagged with · biological parents  adoption  rejection  self love  

  

1 comment

Lynn Assimacopoulos

20 July 2016 13:46
My new book called "Separated Lives" is a true story about the adoption of a baby boy. Years later I take him on a fascinating but uncertain journey to search for his birth parents. It is available from Dorrance Publishing (in Pittsburgh, PA) www.DorranceBookstore.com, Barnes & Noble barnesandnoble.com and Amazon.com (ISBN: 978-1-4809-1247-2)
Author: Lynn Assimacopoulos


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