reimagine me

Unbiological Sisterhood

Posted by elle  ·  Undated
reimagine me: Unbiological Sisterhood

It's past midnight. I’m on my best friend's couch chatting about the meaning of life and what it feels like to know your biological family. He argues that he's closer to me than he feels to his own biological family. I'm disagreeing as I cannot imagine how that can be.

In a few hours I’ll be meeting her, the woman I've been wondering about all my life. The one who delivered me into this world and then left me to figure it out all for myself.

Our all-nighter on the couch wondering what it will be like to meet her resulted in a simple and solid strategy: keep my meeting and conversation with her factual, don’t have any expectations and the rest will happen by itself.

Fast forward  a few hours as I walk through the doors of our meeting spot. She sits at a table near the door, gets up as I walk in and hugs me; an unfamiliar yet very familiar hug. It has a feeling of not knowing her at all, yet knowing her completely. For the first time in 46 years are my cells started spinning in harmony, composing a brand new symphony. I experience peace.

Is THIS what flesh and blood feels like?!

I'm looking at her face and eyes but don't recognize much of her in me - we share the same height and build and a beauty spot in exactly the same place! She's fair with beautiful blue eyes – the blue eyes I’ve always wished for.

We cover a lifetime of questions and emotions in three hours – the whats, whys and hows. Our conversation doesn't miss one beat, like we're drinking from the same well and quenching a lifelong thirst. There’s no need to explain ourselves – it is as comfortable as meeting an old friend and starting right where we last left off. 

As we said our goodbyes, she reaches in her bag and gives me a gift - a white heart with a little white bird inside - and she says, “For my little birdie who flew away.” Really!? I flew away? Her words could not ring more true - I did get away. We kept in touch for a little while after but then she let me go again... for the sake of what others would think of her, had they find out I existed. 

What I is now clearer than ever is that life is exactly as it's meant to be, God knows what's best and my 

Unbiological sisters are the best sisters I can wish for!

If you're looking to meet your biological parents, here are my thoughts... 

  1. If the need to find them is strong and never seems to go away, do it. Don’t let fear or “what if’s” stop you. It took me on and off for 23 years to find my biological parents - it was something I needed to do
  2. Question your intent If your heart is filled with rejection, anger, or pain then don’t do it. I can help you resolve these emotions and get to a neutral, peaceful place before you make contact. You need to heal yourself completely so that whatever the outcome is (they may decide they don’t want any contact with you), you will not get hurt nor feel rejected again.
  3. Have no expectations and you cannot be disappointed Their response could go either way
  4. Anticipate a second rejection. This happened to me initially. Both bio parents were in shock and denial, and it took them some time to come to terms with the piece of their past they buried and grew to ignore. Sadly my 'father' is a millionaire and all he could concern himself with is that I'm after his money... maybe he has a heart one day
  5. Be gentle and considerate in your approach The younger you are the younger they'll be. Because my biological mother is in her 70s, I chose for someone else to make the initial call on my behalf - that way it was less stressful for both of us. If you do use a third party, choose someone who you can trust who can accurately represent your motives and needs for making contact, and also someone who is considerate and respectful of your biological parent’s feelings and wishes. I can, and would love to help you.
  6. Don't be judgmental You may or may not know the circumstances that led to their decision to give you up for adoption. There are always two, or as I discovered, three sides to the story. My story is twisted and keeps on twisting.

If you’re struggling with rejection, looking to find your biological parents or found them please share your experience or email me for a complimentary chat - it's my reimagine love gift to you!

tagged with · biological parents  adoption  rejection  self love  


1 comment

Lynn Assimacopoulos

20 July 2016 13:46
My new book called "Separated Lives" is a true story about the adoption of a baby boy. Years later I take him on a fascinating but uncertain journey to search for his birth parents. It is available from Dorrance Publishing (in Pittsburgh, PA), Barnes & Noble and (ISBN: 978-1-4809-1247-2)
Author: Lynn Assimacopoulos

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